Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize