Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
