listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
