fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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