I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
