you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
