ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
