I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
