i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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