she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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