bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
