pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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