are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
