I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize