My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
