Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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