she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
