I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
