i think i have two assholes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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