i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He passed out mid-signature
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
