Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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