Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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