if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
