I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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