My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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