I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
