but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
