Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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