He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
