I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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