I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
