She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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