I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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