Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She even gives head with a lisp.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
