"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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