I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
