"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
