why didn't you poke me back
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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