Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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