i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
