So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sarcasm needs its own font
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
