If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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