I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
