shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
