Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
