Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
