Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
