i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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