Where did you get a picture of my penis
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
