i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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