i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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