felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
