Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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