I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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