just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
