Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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