I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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