Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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