I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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