I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
