whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
