i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
