If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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