Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
