Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
