Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
