I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
