Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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