is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
