i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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