new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
