Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
