Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
