so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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