R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
