I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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