This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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