You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i would punch a child for taco bell
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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